Tonight in “I do stupid things so you don’t have to”:
1) Do NOT try to pry a hard drive platter from a laptop drive.
It will shatter.
2) Hoover vacuum cleaners are powerful enough to suck up screwdrivers.
This has been “I do stupid things so you don’t have to”
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Picture a small restaurant in an expensive part of town. Out front on the door, a linen piece of paper with exquisite calligraphy reads “Reservations required. Please call ahead”. On the inside are two tables with four chairs each, with the finest tablecloths available. The staff is impeccably dressed, and the floor is well carpeted without the hint of crumb or vacuum lines. The decorations are spartan, but elegant. There is a dress code that is strictly enforced: black tie dress required. No exceptions. Once everyone is seated for the evening, individual menus are handed out. Entrées include “Lune au-dessus mon jambon”, “Grand Chelem”, “Côte de bœuf et de poulet grésillant poêleand” and “Deux oeufs brouillés avec pommes de terre rissolées et jambon frit”. The entrees are delicious, and plated exquisitely.
The name of this exquisite place? Le Faux Denny.
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I’ve decided to fully support the new RIAA-sponsored and certified CC license, the CC-BY-NC-NS (or “No Share” license). This license allows folks to attribute the artist, use non-commercially, but adds a special “no share” clause which allows people to keep music to themselves. It’ll save me a lot of time in creating new Open Metalcast episodes, because the CC-BY-NC-NS music won’t need to actually be a part of the episode at all. Download times will also be much improved as I add CC-BY-NC-NS music to the show. I applaud the RIAA for adopting this new CC license.
I also look forward to their forthcoming RIAA licenses, the CC-BY-NC-NL (the somewhat controversial “No Listen” license) as well as the “No Talking”, “No Running”, and “No you don’t need that, put that down” licenses.
I know this is April 1st, but I just felt I had to, um, share this with you as soon as possible. Y’know, being all human nature and all. 
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I only want your complete loyalty and a can of sardines; I already have your unconditional surrender.
I’d like to apologize in advance for the eventual destruction of humanity by our feline friends.
It seems we are unwittingly training the “Over Cat” (or Über Kätze *). Over the past few days Pixel has learned how to ferret through shoeboxes and pull out valued tissue paper; tissue paper that she craves. But we’re not talking about just lifting the lid. Oh no, she moves the boxes out from under the bed and then proceeds to remove their kitten-crack cargo. Also she has learned to use her paws as a prehensile scoop in order to grab “Toasted Oats” cereal remnants from the sink.
It can only be a matter of time until she can no longer be confined to these mere four walls, and will rise up from her meager birth to become the ruler of all.
I can only hope she is merciful.
All hail Das Über Kätze!
(* – Yes, I know the German word for Cat is Katze. Das Über Kätze will be working to change that to the more “metal” version soon).
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JoDee and I just watched Battle Beyond the Stars. Here’s a synopsis:
John-Boy from the Waltons realizes his planet is going to be turned into a sun by the “not Death Star” piloted by a taller Napoleon with a body-part fetish. Tommy, the Pinball Wizard tells him to fly his truck-nuts spaceship out to find mercenaries. He lands on a space station comprised of robots who are extras for Glee and a deranged scientist, who decides his goal in life is to arrange a shot-gun wedding for his daughter with John-Boy. They escape, and John Boy recruits The A Team and members of the Kroft Super Show to join him to battle against Napoleon and his not-Ugnauts. They battle. That guy from all of those TV shows and movies that you remember crashes. He later dies. The A-Team leads a ground battle, until the bad guys bring in a Sonic Tank and play supersonic Justin Beiber songs until their ears bleed. Two midgets destroy the tank with their Care-Bear Stare. One of the white mystic aliens is captured, and is threatened with being hacked to death by a pretty lame-looking chainsaw. He dies, and the other aliens try to make Napoleon hit himself with a knife. Whatever.
Later, another battle ensues, in which members of the Kroft Supershow die in semi-heroic, but still pretty lame and pointless ways. John-Boy’s truck nuts get impounded, and John-Boy and the girl love interest self-destruct the truck nuts. Then the world is saved, and George Lucas writes a note to his legal team.
The moral of the story is you’ve probably seen this forgettable movie, you just don’t remember it. It’s like the Star Wars Christmas Special, except Bea Arthur isn’t in it. At least we think she isn’t.
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One Mighty Dime. (Source: Wikipedia)
Of all of the coins in the United States of American currency, none is more hard working than the humble dime. This lowly, misunderstood coin is a little workhorse, combining value with it’s diminutive size. What other coin can boast such statistics:
So, the next time you head to a parking meter with a handful of change, remember the hardest working coin in USA currency. Deposit those dimes into the vending machine with pride. When someone asks you for a quarter, give them three dimes instead. And tell them “keep the change. I don’t need your lazy nickels”.
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JoDee: I’m not a geek.
Me: Uh huh. Which would you rather do: take a cruise in the Bahamas, or make an important discovery regarding variable star clusters.
JoDee: Shut up.
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Maybe I should start up the post-startup, to get us back to a simpler time of wealth redistribution for good ideas. We could call it the Holistic Organic Leveraging Distribution, or HOLD-UP, where interested parties can go to angel investers and say, quite pointedly “gimme your money, this is a HOLD-UP”.
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Apparently there’s a certain pre-paid phone company that doesn’t quite understand the difference between an inactive phone vs. canceling an account:
How do I cancel my account? It is not one of the options on your phone menu. It is not apparent how to get to a live human being to ask this question. It is a continuation of the kind of service I’ve come to expect from PHONECO
Their response:
Upon further review of your account in PHONECO, it appears that your phone with the serial number [serial] is already deactivated in our system on [date].
Which I responded:
That’s correct, but I would like the entire account deactivated, removed, and purged from your system. I don’t want someone to accidentally manage to find my password and start doing things with my PHONECO account. In short, I want nothing to do with this company any more. I don’t want to call Customer Service; I want a clean break from ever having to worry about having the name PHONECO come into my peripheral or other vision. Please advise how to make this possible. Thanks!
And their latest response:
Our records show that you phone has been deactivated since [date].
It’s like I’m engaging with the customer-service version of Eliza:
* I'd like to remove my account from your system. > Why are you concerned about my system? * Because I no longer want to be a part of it. > You are being a bit negative. * Yes, I have had a bad experience with your company. > What about your own company? * This isn't about me, is it? > Can you elaborate on that? * That's not important. I still want to cancel my phone account. > I'm not sure I understand you fully.
Etcetera, ad nauseum.
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Had a thought that either marks the moment that my soul has finally been eaten away, or is a stroke of genius. Maybe it’s a little of both.
Currently services like Hulu (and to a certain extent most other “free” content providers) trade you the content you want to watch with some form of advertising. Most of these are for products I have no intention of purchasing, so advertisers carefully track me until they figure out what makes me tick so I’ll head to the store and purchase their product. In return, I get to watch some non-trivial piece of the content I wish to watch, waiting for the next ad-based intrusion to strike. It’s a complicated and symbiotic relationship that we’ve been conditioned to accept as the way to pay for freely-available content that we wish to consume.
What if we cut out the middle man?
What if, when a program starts, you’re offered the opportunity to just outright purchase the product they’re offering in return for no more interruptions?
Say you’re watching an episode of [favorite TV program here] online, and the following offer appears: “Watch this show uninterrupted by purchasing some Old Spice deodorant”. A little “Buy it now” button appears. In 30 seconds, the show will start, but you can cut out all of the commercials by just clicking on a button.
The company gets what they want (more revenue from product sales) and you get (ostensibly) what you want, which is un-interrupted viewing, and some Old-Spice deodorant.
Obviously this works best for smaller-scale items. (I’m not sure I want to be purchasing a car in return for ad-free The Daily Show, but then again, we are in the market, and those ads can be pretty-annoying).
Evil? Brilliant? Unworkable? Let me know if I should be checking into marketing rehab.
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