Dear Michigan Drivers,
Hi! How are you? I'm doing well. Just wanted to give you all a friendly little reminder about something I think we all could stand to learn more about.
See, yesterday we had this funny white stuff all over the ground. If you were here during the SuperBowl, you'd remember they also had the same white stuff on the ground. I think the scientists call it "snow". Now, being in Michigan, we tend to get more of this stuff than say, Texas, but it's OK. Some people fear that when the white stuff is on the ground, it's unsafe to drive, but unless you're careless you should do just fine. Relax, and just drive as you normally would.
Also, those things on the side of the road? Those are called "accidents". We tend to get those when people don't drive the way they should (usually whenever there is snow on the ground, for instance). Sometimes we'll get them whenever rear-wheel drive cars try to pass on the left. They're pretty common, like ground squirrels for instance. They hate being looked at, especially if there's a flat-bed picking them up, or if there is a police car next to them. In fact, the police car and flat-bed are paid to look after the accidents, so you don't have to.
I hope we've covered that quite well, so the next time you see "snow" or "accidents", you don't have to slow down. Just enjoy the drive as God intended, and we'll all live in perfect harmony together.