The review that never was

This should be a movie review. This should be about "The Incredibles", which is one of the finest Pixar movies to date. Unfortunately there was something even more incredible than "The Incredibles" at the showing that we went to. The incredible gall, audacity, and downright rudeness that transpired at this theater was beyond words, and makes me think that people who spend outrageous amounts of money on home theater systems might be on to something if they never ever have to deal with people in a movie theater again. Now, to be fair, I've been in theaters in which people have had loud babies (at a rated R film. Real class act), loud children ("When do the dinosaurs come out"), and loud, obnoxious people. I've been in theaters where people kicked my chair. I've been in theaters that were so sticky I could have climbed the walls. This was all in the minor leagues. No, folks, we have found a winner in the search for the biggest asshole in a movie theater. This gentleman not only raised the bar for rude people everywhere, but also managed to avoid capture by the management.

This fleshball was smoking.

In a theater

With a pipe

Behind us

Now, let this sink in for a second. In an age in which cell phones are considered the pinnacle of rude in a theater, this boho decides that his nicotine fit is more important than being a good citizen for the enjoyment of all of the movie patrons. Nope, this white-trash reject decides to light up in the theater, during the movie.

JoDee is allergic to smoke, so she had to leave. She asked the folks at the theater to kick this twit out of the theater, but they couldn't catch him puffing. Of course they didn't really try hard by staying in the theater for the duration of the film. JoDee got her money back, but justice was not served. The dork got away with nary a stern talking to.

I was livid. I was close to standing up and having the theater shu down the movie unti this guy was ejected, but I thought better of it. Apparently JoDee wasn't the only person to complain, but this jack-hole managed to smoke aay with impunity, only to hide it when the ushers came.

So, to the ass-wipe who decided to smoke in the theater, I'd like to say thank you, sir, for being so completely selfish and ruining our night. You are the reason why people hate to see movies in public. You are the reason why people don't enjoy concerts. Your selfish, assinine behavior costs people their enjoyment. If there is any way in the future for me to disrupt your enjoyment, rest assured I won't hesitate to make you as uncomfortable as you made everyone in the theater. I thought the kids that were next to us would have disrupted the film, but even their shouts during the film were no match for your exceedingly rude behavior.

May the beasts of nature relieve themselves on you wherever you go.