I'm not sure I totally understand the whole MySpace thing. I'm sure part of the reason I don't is because I have my own page, with the ability for random people to come on over and put their comments or what-not on it. Maybe I'm old-fashioned but I kinda like having my own portal into the intar-web.

Part of this topic was prompted by talking with my cousin Jessica, who mentioned that she had a MySpace page that I should check out. Having viewed several different pages on MySpace, I've come to the following sweeping generalizations. You're free to agree or disagree, and I won't think any less of you. :)

I think of MySpace as a public toilet. In this public toilet is wallpaper. Hideous wallpaper. Wallpaper that would make the set designer of The Brady Bunch toss his cookies. Music starts the moment you enter the bathroom, almost as if turned on by invisible hands. Suddenly, the walls of the bathroom start resizing themselves, moving the toilet paper roll over to the opposite side of the bathroom. The music continues with something by "The Bee Gees" or some other band you can't stand. On the walls of the bathroom are scrawled the messages of people who have been here before. "Hi! Thanks for letting me take a dump here! Big hugs!". Under the scrawling, a sticker is affixed with Rainbow Brite or some other cartoon character who you hope is just waving a friendly hello. The walls are covered with this scrawling, along with what looks like a manifest of the proprietor if this bathroom. Having had enough of "The Bee Gees", you try to access some of the other areas of the house...

...and realize that unless you have a special key, you're locked in for all eternity.

(OK, perhaps I'm being a little hard on MySpace, but honestly, I don't want to be required to create an account (and thus create my own public bathroom) just to see someone's MySpace page. Isn't there a view-only access out there?)

And that, my friends, is why it'll be a LONG time before I'm on the MySpace bandwagon.