This morning I was thinking (for whatever reason) about the newsletters that educational institutions send to their alumni. In all of the ones I've seen, there's a place for people to put in what they've been up to lately. The stories read like a who's who entry in some vanity press book:

"John Doe is a third level disciple of the tomato plant. He is currently in the process of learning higher levels of communication with the tomato plant. The tomato plant is a very highly intelligent organism, and has much wisdom to share with humanity. John Doe shares his tomato plant-derived wisdom with his wife and three beautiful children".

On one occasion, my high school put out the call for entries. Thinking this wouldn't be published, I put "works with computers", which looked out of place when compared with a lot of the other entries (like the gentleman who waxed eloquent on his Farmer Jack career path directly above my entry). That got me thinking of what would be the shortest non-data entry that would be published in one of these alumni newsletters:

• Functioning Human Being.
• Pan Flute Afficianado.
• Terse.
• is.

Any others? What are your thoughts on these alumni newsletters? Any funny stories of entries you've read? Post 'em in the comments!