I hate the term mid-life crisis. I think the term "mid-term exam" is much more appropriate. Mid-life crisis sounds like a crisis of faith; like the very foundations of God, family, career, and what-have-you are suddenly called to question. Maybe that's true for some, but for me turning forty isn't so much a crisis as a time to reflect on where I am in this game of life. So, if you'll indulge the metaphor, a little exam:
- Through some miracle of fate, luck, or divine intervention, I met an amazing woman whom I love, and who thankfully loves me back. I couldn't ask for a better soul-mate than my lovely wife, JoDee.
- I'm blessed to have a loving and supportive family in my parents, my in-laws, and my extended family. They have been there for me, and I can't thank them enough.
- I've had the fortune to work in some interesting places, and do some interesting things along the way. I hope to find more of that in the future.
- I lucked into an amazing community in the Open Source community. Lots of amazing people, talents, and materials, and folks that I consider some of my closest friends.
- I'm blessed to still be in contact with a great network of friends. If you're reading this, it's likely you're one of them.
- I'm fortunate to be a part of two successful podcasts, Lococast.net and Open Metalcast. This gives me the chance to talk to interesting people, and to play music for an audience, which is a dream I've had since I was old enough to put records on my parents' stereo. And having the opportunity to do that back in college on a 1,000 watt transmitter was the best. getting to play music I enjoyed was just icing on the cake.
- I need to follow through more. I feel like I have a lot of started projects, but not enough finished projects. I'm not planning on turning this blog into my project-therapy-support-system any time soon, but consider yourself forewarned that it might happen. I'll provide the couch.
- I have days where I wonder if it's all worth it. If things will get better. I'm not sure if it's depression, or just lack of enthusiasm, but some days it's a struggle to even give a shit about the day ahead, let alone do anything about it. I'm hoping to change that for the better.
- My driver's license says I'm an adult, and need to make adult decisions, but when I'm off the clock, I refuse to grow up. I'm still a Toy's R Us kid.
- Deep inside, I'm frightened to release too much, because I worry how others might perceive my stuff, whether it's good, or crap. It makes it hard to start some of the projects brewing in my head. I need to get over this and realize that most of what I release isn't going to move the bar on anyone's radar but my own. Good, bad, or indifferent, it's all about producing the best that I can in the moment.
- I am my worst critic and enemy. Nobody can hate me like I hate myself. Nobody can criticize me like I criticize myself. Nobody can help me fail better than I can fail myself.
- Writing is cathartic. Let's do more of that.
- I have understanding readers if you made it this far.
Fin, for now.