I did my second round of chemo this past week. I'm also still coming down from COVID (though my symptoms have been pretty mild compared with most). The combination of the two have really knocked me on my ass. I've spent the last few days sleeping more than our cat. In the morning I'm pretty OK, but by the afternoon I'm a shambling mound in roughly human-form. It's gotten better overall, but I'm still pretty wiped out. I haven't really paid attention to any of the projects I'd like to work on either because I've been so wiped out. My brain just feels like it doesn't have the capacity to give any of these things the time of day. I know this is just temporary, and I can come back to my projects at any time, but they feel so distant to me at the moment.

But there's always the possibility of coming back to this and learning from it. I know what feeling wiped out feels like, so now I can adapt to this.

I have the very real prospect that this my be the best I feel for a very long time (possibly forever) so coming up with new strategies for how I'm going to be engaging with my work and my life are going to be key. Plus I'm not sure how radiation will affect me, but from everything I'm reading / hearing it seems that if I'm tired now I'll likely be even more wiped out then.

And that's before we talk about potential surgery and the recovery time allotted therein.

It's getting me to think about front-loading a lot of my tasks and projects as much as possible and whittling away the things that aren't essential. Which, again, requires effort to think about and make happen.

Whatever happens though I'm going to keep poking, prodding, and figuring out the new reality. Being curious is key to all of this.