I try to be the person who pushes his limits and endures more than I can stand. This has offered me many opportunities for growth but sometimes I run into limitations that I can't overcome or are physically demanding.
This morning I was driving to the hospital with JoDee. I felt that familiar feeling that I needed to use the restroom sooner than later. Fortunately we made it to the hospital where I could use the restroom but it was getting pretty close to yet-another containment breach.
At the appointment with Dr. Jaiyesimi I mentioned that things were still urgent. JoDee piped up that it was becoming traumatic for me. I don't like to think of myself as being traumatized by this but she is right: I have been less willing to leave the house as a result.
Dr. Jaiyesimi is one of the kindest souls I know. He is more about quality of life than trying to be aggressive. I thought I could endure but JoDee is right: I am traumatized. I need help. I thought I could endure this but I'm hitting my limits. Dr. Jaiyesimi pulled one of the chemo drugs from my schedule that has caused the most amount of diarrhea. Hopefully it won't be needed but we'll see.
Tough has limits. I will keep pushing but every so often I need to be reminded that I am tough to a point. I'll keep testing those limits as much as I can and be gentle with myself when I can't.