"Disease Status: Progressing."

I hadn't noticed this subtle addition to the follow-up notes in my chart, but a quick search shows that it's been in there since my July visit. The blood work has been showing a similar tale, with my red blood count and my white blood count dipping into the low and critically low respectively. There was talk about adding Epoetin alfa (nee: Procrit) to my weekly shots. This is used for folks with anemia. The numbers for my liver are also high (AST/ALT Ratio) (AST at 45, ALT at 91).

All in all it is looking more and more like the cancer is winning. Or at least the treatment is beating me down to where they're calling in the reinforcements.

Thing is, outside of some fatigue and whacked-out blood numbers I feel fine. But I can tell that I'm being battered. I tire easily when mowing, my blood pressure is high, and my pulse was high today. The system is being taxed and it's really not happy.

My only hope is that the liver cancer is similarly unhappy with the situation and is finding this whole affair deeply unpleasant. That's pretty much why we're here. I know it's a part of me and I want the best for myself, but I want the best for myself as a whole. And the cancer is decidedly on the side of being selfish about its own needs and desires. So, perhaps with some convincing we can all be on the same page.

This also means that I need to get on team exercise. I've never been good about exercise but that needs to change if for no other reason than I need to give my body more resources to work with to convince this cancer to knock it off.

I thought things were trending upward with my blood counts, but I apparently think it's still September. October's numbers (today's numbers) are trending downward.

The notes talk about re-evaluating me at the end of October. Whether that's just checking Carcinoembryonic antigen numbers or a full PET scan remains to be determined.

One thing I know though is I'm going to continue showing up and continue living my life as loudly and voraciously as I can. If cancer is going to steal my life away it'll have to do so with alarms blaring and guards in pursuit. I'm not letting this thing get away quietly; I'm shining a damn spotlight on it.

Fuck cancer. You'd Better Believe It (full compilation here).