Checking in for 2023-12-21:
Right now I'm drinking contrast for my CT scan. I took today easy since yesterday I had several episodes of not keeping things down. Overall today was much better. I decided to relax and just be with whatever came up. That seems to be the way to do things. Rather than get upset or bothered I'm just letting myself be.
One of the things that seems to come up a lot with the Sacred Bow that I'm doing is letting go of control. That's becoming a large part of what I'm facing: loss of control of my bowels, loss of control over my system, and loss of control over my medical situation. The more I try to control things the less control I ultimately have. I've been practicing with being patient and flexible. There's so little that we actually control in our lives so it's a skill to just let go and embrace that. We also need to find our focus when we can and give ourselves permission to just be with our work in this moment.
And, as usual, we need to embrace the humor in all things. I say that my life is comedy and I mean it. Sometimes you just have to laugh.
More as I know it.