Hope you have a very Happy Birthday, Carter! Now you'll have to use three fingers to tell people how old you are.

I was going to bitch about the severe injustice in the world that bands like the New Kids on the Block have their entire back-catalogue in print, yet MC 900 Ft Jesus: Hell With the Lid Off was out of print. But, there is balance and justice in the world …

Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. You are my life's model for how love can keep a marriage going.

I don't know how the spammers managed to do it, but I think they've nailed my biggest problems. From an actual spam I received:

You are used to eating shit? [brand name] can make you do away with all your habits.

I feel... liberated.

If you'd like to win a $5 amazon Gift Certificate, here's all you have to do:

• No special utilities. I should be able to replicate this on a plain vanilla installation
• This should include every process, including hidden processes and the like.

Send your entries to tasklist@decafbad.net. The …