This latest round of chemo drained me both of energy and emotionally. Part of that was the realization that I would be dealing with cancer for the foreseeable future. Add to that the uncertainty about whether I'll have surgery and what sort of surgery that will be. That left me pretty emotionally drained on Friday and a real curmudgeon. I think part of that is just the tiredness that I didn't quite expect. I was pretty tired with the last round of chemo, so I was hoping that with the month off from chemo I would not have picked up the tiredness where I left off. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. I got into a pretty foul mood where I was wondering why I tried to do anything if I was just going to be tired and not want to do anything. It was a pretty deep funk. However I realized that I have a lot to be grateful for. I have a wonderful and supportive wife who is absolutely amazing. I have friends and family that support me in every step of the way. My job is with a great friend who has been helping me throughout this entire process. I have doctors who are working hard to help rehabilitate me and bring me back to health. I also have an amazing support cat who occasionally supports me. I have nothing to complain about. I changed my attitude from one of being miserable to being grateful. That helped me reframe my perspective. It'll take some practice to keep going but it helped me to pull out of that funk. I'm still trying to figure out how to get myself to work more on creative pursuits. I'm hoping to get back into things. I'm not sure how to this, especially with things being as uncertain as they are.
More to come.