Chemo-drained

One of the tings that I've noticed with my chemo treatments is my lack of energy during the treatment. I do my main chemo treatments for about 4 hours on a single day. Most of that is anti-nausea drugs and a few of what I call "main courses". Then I have a pump that comes home with me that delivers 46 hours of 5FU (which I consider the best-named drug of all-time, bar none). Unfortunately this makes me really tired, especially near the end of a cycle (my current cycle is 12 doses every-other-week). Yesterday it was all I could do to just do a little bit of productive work before I just sat in front of the computer to read social media like a zombie (and watch some videos in my to-watch-later pile). This has been concerning to me because I'm feeling old patterns creep in again. Rather than be proactive and do creative work I'm finding myself wanting to just succumb to being more passive and less proactive. In some ways that's OK; I'm honoring the energy that I have. In other ways it's a little worrying because I remember this pattern from when I was unemployed. I felt defeated and underwhelmed with anything creative.

So I did what any self-respecting GTD-er would do and did a weekly review

Part of the weekly review process is to get things current and make sure that what's in front of you is what you want to work on in the next few weeks. A lot of what's on my lists right now are tasks for reading several books (Atari Roots, Fire in the Valley, Mythic Game Master Emulator 2E, and Chokepoint Capitalism. Most of these books are related to at least one or more projects, so I'm hoping to give them the attention they deserve.

It's a challenge to manage one's energy when it feels there's very little in the tank. I'm not used to this feeling (even though I've been experiencing it for over a year now). But sometimes the best way to work with these feelings is to just relax into them and honor the energy that shows up.


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