Not today

I'm not sure what happened yesterday but for whatever reason I couldn't get things started. I did a little bit of puttering around work (trash, re-arranging the closet, picking up, etc.) but nothing major. I think part of it was because JoDee had several meetings at home so I didn't want to make a whole lot of noise, but part of it was also just the day itself. It was one of the first truly warm days we'd had and I spent most of it in indecision about whether to go sit on our back porch or stay inside or whatever. I discovered a fantastic tool for playing Ironsworn (isscrolls, a command-line campaign manager written in C. I know, right?) so playing with that disrupted the flow of the day for me. Plus I was waiting on an optical drive for my computer so I could install it and rip some CDs. It didn't show up until later, so that anticipation was kind of wasted on the afternoon.

And you know what? That's OK. Not every day can be my most productive. Some days the gears don't mesh quite right. But I also decided not to let that upset me. I knew that everything about this was temporary. While yesterday was not as productive as I'd like it was OK how it was. I don't need every day to be 100% perfect in productivity. I can just enjoy the day as it is presented. That's kind of liberating in a way; not having to live up to whatever expectations I might have for the day. Before this would drive me to force the day into whatever mold I'd chosen for that day. Unfortunately, no matter how much we twist, tuck, push, and beg some days just don't want to fit the mold. They jut out at weird angles, billowing out like overfilled sausage, and overall look like a child wearing an ill-fitting suit.

It's difficult to let go and let the day be what it is but I can attest that it is freeing to realize that today is just not going to bend to your will. The choice of whether to let that upset you and drive you to despair is optional. Letting it just be like a temperamental cat is a much better way to be. Eventually it will sort itself out. But it's OK to say "not today".