Checking In: 2023-10-13

Checking in for 2023-10-13:

  • Did some work this morning on the Pepper&Carrot RPG. This time I was elaborating on Theorem the Golem
  • I spent some time last night realizing that I need to get over myself and stop worrying about having perfect health. I'm never going to be back to 100% for the foreseeable future so instead I should just worry about keeping what I do have in the best shape possible and trusting the oncologist to do the right thing. That doesn't mean tacit acceptance, but rather informed and engaged partnership. And I need to realize that this is going to be completely uncertain to me. I'm always going to be in a place of uncertainty around my health so letting myself be with the groundlessness of it all is going to be much better than getting frustrated and fighting it.
  • I did find myself getting intensely frustrated while playing drums last night. Nothing felt like it was working and all I wanted to do was punish the drums accordingly. Unfortunately the kit that I have is old and things move around too much for it to be satisfying so I wound up even more frustrated. I finally walked away from it to calm down. I found JoDee's Rubik's Cube and started playing with that. I've never learned how to solve it, but I figured if I could get one of the sides to the correct color (along with the edges) then I would be alright. Funnily enough I managed to do that for the blue side. I then (much later) entered the configuration into one of those online solvers and managed to solve it. I took that as a metaphor: I can't do this all alone; I need external help to make this all work. And I need to trust that external help has my best interests at heart.
  • I'm getting my vaccinations today. Will report back on how those went.

That's all for now. More as I know it.