Checking In: 2023-12-07

Checking in for 2023-12-07:

I didn't work on my meaningful work today. For whatever reason I haven't been able to get the gears to mesh properly. I felt pretty much adrift for most of the say with a lack of focus. Pixel wanted me to lay on the bed in the afternoon so I took the opportunity to sit with her and make some phone calls and do my Sacred Bow.

The Sacred Bow is quite simply the most revealing part of the year. I spent most of the afternoon and evening reviewing my journals (most of which are on this site, so you can play along at home. I'm only up to September but here's what I recall:

  • I finished off my work and "retired". I was scared about going on disability because I wasn't sure what to expect.
  • I had three instances when I had a containment breach and many near-misses.
  • I spent a lot of time wondering what was next. I felt lost and adrift throughout most of it. I kept looking for that amazing sparkling clarity but had yet to find it.
  • I released the Mindfulness the Game journaling game and did a lot of work on the Record Shop journaling game.
  • I started making progress on the Pepper&Carrot Fate-based RPG.
  • My cancer continued to grow, and I started taking Lonsurf after taking 14 rounds of Camptosar.
  • I played around with some programming projects like D and Smalltalk, as well as Atari Assembler.
  • I worked on three interactive storyworlds, but only managed to release the Decluttering storyworld.
  • Several community implosions happened: the OGL, Reddit, and others.

There's probably others, but this is what I'm up to thus far. Next I'll looking at my big wins, great habit changes, and the lessons I learned from them. Conversely I'll be reviewing my struggles and what I learned from them as well.

There's a lot to unpack from this year. My body is definitely suffering this year as we close in on two years of cancer treatment. I'm finding myself honing in on what is important and letting go of a lot of things that aren't serving me anymore.

I invite you to play along at home if you want.

What I uncovered in my journals is someone who is still struggling with this disease. I'm sure I'll keep on struggling with it and the side effects. But I'm also finding myself in a much more contented space. I'm recognizing what I can do, what I can't do, and where I need help. I'm also pushing myself through some pretty large bits of trauma. I've made progress on a number of things and realized goals that were mere dreams at the beginning of the year. There's still more work to be done and fear lurking in the wings but recognize and honor what has gotten me to this place.

Ever onward.