Checking in for 2023-12-08:

I did more of my Sacred Bow today, dedicating most of the day to it. It's been pretty enlightening to me to see not only what I've accomplished this year but where I feel I've fallen short. Much of what I saw in there was me struggling with my tiredness and the chemo that I've been receiving. I also noticed several attempts to start exercising along with many periods of feeling overwhelmed and lacking focus. I've also noticed that I struggle with social media (like I have in many years prior). Another through-line is that I keep worrying about the future and letting it derail me. Here are some of the lessons I noticed:

From my wins:

• I can be consistent when I have clear goals on what I want to accomplish.
• I am living the life of a designer that I craved.
• I am capable of withstanding situations that I didn't think possible.
• Give myself more space to think deeply about problems
• I can step off the ledge and still manage to do OK
• Even in the face of impossible odds I am optimistic
• I'm a good writer that needs to apply himself more to the task
• Persistence pays off
• I don't have to be a hording dragon

From my struggles:

• Ask for more help.
• Not every day is going to be fantastic. Plan for that and allow your day to unfold naturally.
• I run to social media for comfort and certainty
• I need to schedule [time for games] and give myself permission to play
• Get up earlier to give myself more time to work on things in the morning; make it easier for me to jump in and do my meaningful work
• "Don't spend a lot of time imagining worst-case scenario. It rarely goes down as you imagine it will, and if by some fluke it does, you will have lived it twice." -- Michael J Fox
• You already have enough

From where I dropped the ball:

• Need to schedule time for exercise and prioritize it
• Know the difference between being tired and being bored / scared / overwhelmed
• Overwhelm is OK, but it is only temporary. Acknowledge it, feel it, and move on
• Being sick is OK. Being tired is OK. Letting it drag you into complacency is dangerous

I'll think about this some more but I'm already seeing some patterns and things that I am ready to let go of. That'll come next week.

More to come.