Checking in for 2024-01-02:

I'm already feeling overwhelmed with this year and it's not even two days in.

I've been noticing some fluid build-up in my abdomen. Yesterday it hit peak where I was starting to feel some pain and bloating in there. Worse, when I went to bed I noticed my legs had fluid in them. This was also after drinking a bunch of water and tea in the hopes of peeing out the fluid. Eventually it subsided but it was worrying for a bit. I had an appointment to get a Epoetin alfa (nee: Procrit) shot but after a call with the nurses it turned into an appointment with Dr. Jaiyesimi. Now I have scripts for another transfusion (hurray) and a paracentisis procedure. Oh, and I have scripts for Lasix and Potassium Chloride ER as well.

I was hoping to start off 2024 a little quieter than this.

I feel like every time I try to get a little healthier with exercise and what-not that it completely backfires on me. I played drums and did some walking and now I feel like I got punished for it with the fluid build-up. I know this isn't necessarily the fault of me exercising but it does add some more negative reinforcement of just sitting and not doing anything to rock the boat.

I also am a little depressed because of my new care plan. I'm no longer going in for chemotherapy so I'll miss what little socializing I was able to do with the nurses and other cancer patients. It also means that I'm running out of options for treatment. I was hoping that what I was doing would be more effective but much like a venture capitalist my cancer continues to thrive and demand continued growth despite the setbacks in the overall system.

I've had setbacks before and come out of them stronger as a result. I'm just tired and hoping for some creative respite soon.

More as I know it.