Checking In: 2024-02-18

Content warning: bodily functions

Checking in for 2024-02-18:

Still seeing signs of jaundice in my eyeballs so am going to call Cancer Care Associates to let them know and find out what our next actions will be. In some ways I feel like it's my fault that these things are happening. I know that's not true but it's hard not to take this personally. Like, here are all of these folks working hard to help keep you alive and healthy and you can't cut it. That's a lot of years of negative self-talk coming to the fore-front. I'm also dreading making this call because I feel like it's just going to be the beginning of a spiral of out-of-control-ness. Again, I don't know if this will be the case or not, but it's just my head trying to make sense of it all.

What I'm hoping is that this is just a known side-effect of the Regorafenib (nee: Stivarga, Regonix). What I'm not hoping for is what happened when we determined that the Lonsurf wasn't working, which was an immediate discontinuation of the drug. I like to have options for treatment and finding the doors for treatment slamming shut is suboptimal. Then again, if it's making my liver dysfunctional then that's not good either. Again, I need to trust Dr. Jaiyesimi and the tumor board to make the right call.

Last night I had a round of diarrhea around 4:00. That took a lot out of me (pun not intended). I can't tell if the fatigue I'm having is because of the drugs, the state of my liver, or my disrupted sleep. Of course it could be a combination of all of this.

I managed to get my weekly review done and managed to get a few things done today. Hoping to continue this tomorrow.

More as I know it.