Checking in for 2023-11-14:

• Today I felt really overwhelmed and really down on my condition. Part of the overwhelm was the list of things that I wanted to get done today and part because I was tired. I actually took a nap this afternoon. I also felt a little sad that with my disease that I might not make it to old age. I saw an older gentleman at Meijer walking around and I got a little sad. But I also realized that nothing is guaranteed. Nothing is written in stone about my condition or about anything in my life. I just need to live the life I have. I have my health, I can actually go to Meijer, and I can do many of the things that I want to do. I also have JoDee who relayed this to me over dinner (she's amazing and not one for blowing sunshine up my ass). WE don't get to choose our life but we can choose into the life we have. That's important and something I want to keep reminding myself.
• Part of this was also because I watched an interview with Geddy Lee. He talked about Neil Peart and how Neil was handling his last days before he died. I think this got me thinking about my own life and feeling more sensitive about my condition.
• I was also scared because tonight I was running the Michigan!/usr/group meeting. Last time I had to excuse myself to use the restroom mid-way through the meeting, so I was concerned that I would have a repeat. Fortunately that didn't happen and I was able to do the whole meeting without incident.
• I did some more work on the Pepper&Carrot RPG and [refactoring the LaTeX source code].
• I met with Dr. Jaiyesimi today. My blood pressure continues to be high so we're doubling my dose of Losartan. Hopefully that'll help bring things down.
• Chemo tomorrow. I need to get to bed.

More as I know it.