Checking In: 2023-12-13

Checking in for 2023-12-13:

Yesterday was a busy day for me. I had my doctor's appointment with Dr. Jaiyesimi. He lamented about how the PET scan didn't happen because of insurance nonsense. What's even better is (as I understand it) I need to go in for a CAT scan before they'll authorize another PET scan. So I scheduled my CAT scan as early as possible, which is on 12/21 at 8:30pm. I'm not exactly looking forward to a late-night CAT scan but it is what it is.

I also need to see a cardiologist. My blood pressure numbers haven't come down with the Losartan at all. Hoping to get some more information on how to get these numbers to behave.

I worked on my Hearsay storytelling engine. I didn't bring my laptop with me to the doctor's office. Instead I brought a pencil and a Field Notes notebook to take notes and think about how I wanted to tackle the different personality depths. In brief, each character has traits at three depths: what they personally know, what they perceive of others, and what they believe others perceive of a third party or you. This upended my simple model but that's OK. Hoping that it'll allow for richer storyworlds with this engine. I'm also thinking about how to simplify creation of the characters and handle the complexity that this will entail. I might need to make a front-end for this.

Right now I'm sitting in a chemo chair "getting juiced". I woke up tired this morning. Hoping to get some rest this afternoon. On the way here I had that familiar feeling of needing to use the restroom but I managed to calm myself. I told myself that I would make room for the fear that i was feeling and give myself the space to have the experience. Fortunately it gave me enough time to get to my super-secret bathroom without making it an emergency.

I've been practicing with feeling overwhelmed. The main thing that I keep remembering is that I can't do everything at once. I think what derails me is the belief that everything needs to be done all at once and it needs to be done now. That's physically impossible. I just need to choose what will get done and leave the rest for later.

More as I know it.