Checking In: 2024-02-15

Checking in for 2024-02-15:

Content warning: mention of bodily functions.

Today felt like it was going to be a zero-day. I got up early but went back to bed until around 10:30. Part of the reason I got up was to take my medicine and part of it was because I had to use the restroom. Unfortunately that seems to be a refrain for today, with my having to use the restroom repeatedly.

One of the symptoms of liver disease is light-colored stools. I've noticed a few times where I've had stools that were beige in color. This morning I definitely noticed that. I called the nurse line at Cancer Care Associates to confirm if this was something to worry about. Naturally when I got off the phone things were back to "normal" again. Of course searching on the internet for light-colored stools can bring a world of possibilities to your browser, and none of them fantastic. I think this is yet another reminder that my liver is not happy right now because of the cancer that is invading it. They're going to do some additional tests on Tuesday when I see Dr. Jaiyesimi to see if there's something to worry about. Naturally I got in early on the worrying piece because I'm nothing if not an expert at worrying.

That worry carried over into me not wanting to do much. I could have stayed up at 8:30 and gotten a few things done, but instead I just wanted to go back to bed and be done with it. If I'm asleep then I don't have to bother myself with worrying. Of course I had some strange dreams that won't make much sense to anyone else while I was sleeping. I don't think there was an underlying message there but it was interesting to see my brain try to figure things out.

It's also a reminder that I need to keep trusting my oncologist (Dr. Jaiyesimi) and the treatment that they have me on (Regorafenib (nee: Stivarga, Regonix)) before completely flipping out.

I managed to do some work on a few projects this afternoon. I was going to try the Magnetic anti-avoidance drill (If you don't feel like doing something for 10 minutes can you instead try for 5 minutes? 2 minutes? etc.). Instead of doing that I just sat down and opened up the text editor. That was enough to push me into action. Note to self: just open the damn text editor and look at what is there. The rest will come.

It's windy as heck out right now. We have a cold front coming through and it feels like we're at the ocean with the wind blasting onto the house

More as I know it.